...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
