Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
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Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
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my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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