so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The power of my boobs compel you
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
