Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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