you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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