I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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