I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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