she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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