I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it's like heaven, but drunker
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
