I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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