i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
