Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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