i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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