Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
