I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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