I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
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