Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
