please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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