Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
