Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
