I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
