I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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