so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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