If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
