Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just found a bag of teeth...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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