So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
