I can text with my tongue
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
