Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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