My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
