bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
