Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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