Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
