Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
