8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
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Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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