Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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