youre lurking in front of me
I wannas sexs uuuuu
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
