You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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