My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
