Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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