I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I will die if light touches me.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
