Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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