Non-Jews are for practice
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
