i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
