i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
