dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
