do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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