the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
