if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have aggressive nipples.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
