my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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