did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
