It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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