The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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