Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
