my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
