Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
