I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
