they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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