Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
