It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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