How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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