you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
