While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
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so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
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Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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